A person of interest.

There is a person

A person of interest

A person whose behaviour

and character

have caught my eye

 

She waltzes around

my daydreams and thoughts

regardless of place

and time

 

The rust, of my apathy,

bit by bit, chips away

Falls off my skin

taking with it, the very last thing

that holds me living

this lie

 

This girl, I know, is

of a special kind

Of hope, faith and love

 

It’s strange that I,

on this normal day,

have found a peace of mind

 

My tongue is dry

Hands, both perspiring

Pupils dilate

I feel

weak

And yet, my heart

soars and flies

Gazing

upon that which is so inspiring

I feel strength

I have never felt

from the sight of this girl’s

smile

Insides, mush and melt

 

This girl, I know is

of a special kind

Of hope, faith and love.

Feeling this

It’s strange getting in touch with my feelings. I don’t remember the last time I didn’t shut myself off to myself and everyone around me. It’s weird. But a good kind of weird.

This probably wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t open my eyes to the amazing people around me, and my mind to the not-so-amazing ones. A while ago, I had decided on drifting through the rest of my life being disconnected, thinking that I’d be a lot better off, safer, not exposing myself. Cold, unfeeling and apathetic. Keeping myself sheltered and distanced from the world. I didn’t believe in anything. Not god, not hope, not love. My emotions were better left locked in a box, allowing me freedom from attachment and hence, suffering. Attachment, after all, leads to suffering.

It’s ironic how I was suffering in my supposedly un-suffering state.

Those days are gone. I’ve felt enough of nothing, and I want to feel again. I want to believe that there is still good in the world, that I will find love, that everything is just random. I want to hope for a better tomorrow, for a better world, and for a better me. And most of all, I want to love again. To long for someone, to melt at the sight of a smile, to feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.

I thank whoever’s up there for giving me the privilege of being in a class full of people like that.

“Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung. And possible broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries. Avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken. It will become unbreakable, impenetrable…irredeemable…To love at all is to be vulnerable.”

– C.S. Lewis

http://zenpencils.com/comic/103-c-s-lewis-to-love-at-all/

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